


What has become

by Macs



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Suicide, Tragedy, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:35:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macs/pseuds/Macs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter what anyone says, in life everything happens the way it was meant to. After years of pain, Stiles knows, knows that its time, that everyone has their time and means of leaving and his is now. </p>
<p>AU, Warning: may be triggering, mentions of abuse, suicide. Also, posted on fanfiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this first chapter last year and posted it on fanfiction.net. This chapter has not been edited since it was originally uploaded. I do warn that there are mentions of physical and emotional abuse, and suicide. This may be triggering to some. I won't post a long note here, I will put it in the second chapter which I only just recently finished. Please be kind, this story was written in a time when I was dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil, with several friends dealing with depression, and having made suicide attempts. I would love to know what anybody thinks though.

Things had only gotten harder since Scott and his mother had moved away a year ago. How could he blame them though, a fresh start could give them everything the needed. But then, at the same time a fresh start meant Stiles lost his best friend in the process. It started with a phone call maybe once a week, text here and there. Then when Stiles would call there would be no answer, nor a call back. There would be no text messages exchanged. There would be the time he rang Scott in desperate need, to find the number disconnected. To no longer his friend on facebook, as if they never knew each other. The last connection, the McCall house, which he would drive by every day just on the minute chance they had come back . . . to only be inhabited by new people, a new family. 

Scott had always been the one steady in his life, even if he was slightly volatile at times. He was there for everything. Had been the one Stiles could crawl to in the middle of the night, push away to have him never leave his side, be there when his mother died, to be the person to make him find value in his life. 

Each day blurred into the next for Stiles. No one noticed as the life in his eyes seemed to dull away to something lifeless, no one noticed as the clothes started to get baggier, no one noticed as his face began to resemble something skeletal. No one noticed the bruises on his arms were not from being slammed into lockers, no one noticed he never sat in the cafeteria anymore. No one noticed he never attended any parties any more, well that didn’t say much anyway, when no one noticed him how would he even get invited to them? No one would notice the fact that if anyone hit him on his thighs the wince of pain was not because he was weak, no not at all but due to pain self-inflicted. 

No one would question the sheriff, no one would question what went on behind closed doors in his house. No one would question where the copious amounts of alcohol went that the sheriff bought. But maybe if someone had . . . 

The first time it ever happened is still a blur for Stiles, but he vividly remembers the glass crashing beside his head on the wall, shards piercing into his skin, leaving ruby red droplets to fall slowly to the floor. His dad had started drinking more heavily after his mum died. It was his way of coping, Stiles knew that, would never bring it up, nor talk about it. He would just go around in the morning picking up the empty bottles strewn over the carpet, drop them all into a bag and take them out to the garbage. It was his dad’s way of coping, he knew his mum’s death was hard on him and the least he could do was clean up. The least he could do was take what his dad did to him, fact he deserved it and it was only fair. 

He had told Scott the little grazes from the glass were the result of him falling over on his front path upon getting home from school, Scott of course brushed it off knowing Stiles’ clumsiness. Besides, after Scott moved away who was there left to question him? He had always been the awkward sidekick anyway, exactly that, the one on the side, the one that no one really paid any attention to. 

It was about 4 months after Scott left home that things changed. A tear fell down his cheek as he watched his father yell at him once more, as he cowered further into the wall than humanly possible, as another glass was once again smashed next to his head on the wall. His father pushed his fist into Stiles’ stomach repeatedly, making Stiles sure that he would have an eternal bruise. Next thing he knew he tasted blood in his mouth from the punch now aimed at his face. His father then stumbled off, mumbling about how everything could have been better had he they never had a kid. 

Taking in a gulp of air Stiles ran up to his room, grabbed the duffle bag under his bed and chucked some pants, t-shirts, a jacket, pair of shoes, phone, wallet and finally the picture of his mother that he kept beside his bed. It was the bare minimum, all that he would need. He waited until he heard the snores coming from his fathers room to walk down the stairs, grabbing his keys on the way out and sliding out the front door, running to his jeep, heart beating rapidly as he started the engine. Then he was gone. 

The first place he drove to was the only one where he ever felt at peace, and maybe it was because he knew he might end up there sooner than expected.   
He touched the photo of his mother, a tear rolling down his face. Life was harsh sometimes, did bad things to good people for absolutely no reason, why couldn’t it have been the people that deserved it that bad things happened to. 

He stood silently before walking back to his jeep, knowing this would be the last time that he would see his mother’s grave, knowing this would be the last moment of peace, happiness, whatever it was. He drove until he reached the woods then veered off the road knowing the track by heart, it was the only place he went when his mother was dying. The only place he felt safe after she was gone except for her grave. He kept driving until he reached the jetty that looked out onto the large expanse of water that was the lake on the outskirts of beacon hills, thought really was large enough to call part of the ocean further out. He climbed out of his jeep, walking slowly down the 5 metre jetty until he reached the end. He always loved this jetty specifically for the fact that no one used it any more, it was old, weathered, but he loved it all the same. He sat down and swung his legs over the edge. The light of the moon on the water was always something he found beautiful, one thing in an ugly, ugly world. It was the only thing that could calm him, give him the strength to push forward, the hope that there was something good in the world. 

This time however things were different. This time nothing would continue, this time he didn’t have the strength to push forward. This time, nothing was strong enough to heal the damage. 

A tear slid down his cheek as he stared out at the water, eyes travelling along the reflection of the moon down the lake. He rarely cried, even when he was lying in pain after one of his father’s episode. Maybe it was because he knew that this would be the last time he would see the water like this, peaceful, silent, beautiful. Maybe it was because this was the last time he would ever sit where he was sitting looking up at the moon wondering if his mother was really up there, wondering whether maybe if one thing had been different would he be sitting here now, one small detail, instead of living in Beacon Hills, instead of being born to his parents. Either way it doesn’t matter because things happen how they are always meant to, regardless of the pain suffered by some. 

He glanced at the time on his phone. It was nearing four am. He stood up and walked back to his jeep, grabbing a pair of knit pants from his bag and quickly changing into them before swapping his t-shirt for a new one and the hoodie he had shoved in the bag. He reached into the glovebox of the car finding a pad of paper, and a pen. 

And so he wrote what would be the last things he would write, his all going into the words going on the paper. 

 

The sun had risen and it was 7 am before he knew it. He had only just finished writing, perfectly the words before folding the piece of paper and leaving it in plain sight on the dash of the jeep where it would be found. He put the car into drive, following the familiar path up, the five minute drive up the winding road not far from where he veered off to the top of the cliff overlooking the lake. 

This was it, his time. He slowly got out of the jeep, his feet mindlessly taking him forwards. It was so beautiful looking out across the water even in the daylight. He took off his shoes before standing tall. His feet took him to the edge. His breathing was calm surprisingly, this was how it was supposed to be. This was his time. 

His toes curled over the edge of the rock, a rush of air coming into his lungs. He was ready.

“Stiles, stop!”

It was a voice he knew well but hadn’t heard in years. Trembling he turned around.

“Derek?” he whispered.

“What are you doing?! I was driving past and saw you, Stiles you can’t do this, you can’t do this to me!” Derek pleaded as he slowly walked closer, afraid if he walked to fast Stiles would just jump.

“Sometimes life has funny ways of making things happen. It’s my time Derek, it’s my turn to go.”

“No, no, no! You can’t do this to me, you’re the one thing that I have left.”

“You haven’t seen me in 3 years Derek, I’m a part of your past now, its time for you to sieze your future..”

“You know that I couldn’t see you, you know what your dad said about me when I was charged, even though it had nothing to do with me I became a marked man, of course I couldn’t come to you, I’d be behind bars for even looking at you, and it would have been just as bad for you had you come to me. You can’t leave me, not you.”

Stiles just looked away for a moment. “You’ll be happy Derek, find someone who loves you, makes you feel like your everything to them. You’ll achieve whatever you set your mind to, and you will understand that things happen not because we want them to but because that’s the way they are meant to be, you’ll understand, you’ll know.”

“You can’t do this Stiles! I love you, I love you, please don’t do this,” tears streamed down Derek’s face as he continued.

“Find happiness Derek, true happiness, I know you will, you’ll have everything you ever wanted. Live your life, don’t be afraid, I’ll always be there in your heart no matter where I am. Be the person I know you are and never let anything stop you. Don’t try to get over all that has happened, learn to live with it and you will always be the strongest, kindest, gentlest man I will have ever known, and you are the only reason that this is hard. The only reason, because I don’t want to hurt you more than what you have already had to deal with. But, someday you’ll understand, someday you’ll know why. And don’t ever doubt how much you meant to me and how much I have always loved you.” 

With that Stiles took the step backwards and his body fell through the air as Derek fell to his knees sobs catching in his throat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to What Has Become. Derek's life after Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! I first published chapter 1 of this story over a year ago. Over the past year I have been completing my final year at high school, finishing final exams only about 3 weeks ago. Apart from that, I couldn’t bear to look at this story, it brought me too much grief when I wrote it in the first place. I had several friends that had made suicide attempts over the years. But this year, in my own family, my brother, who has always suffered with anxiety, began to suffer with both severe depression, and severe anxiety. Part way through the year he made an attempt to take his own life.
> 
> No part of me when I wrote the first part of this story could ever have imagined what he would do. That is the main reason I haven’t even been able to look at finishing this story. 
> 
> But today, I want to. Because I said I would, and I don’t like to leave things unfinished.
> 
> So if you please, read this conclusion. I will not say that it will be perfect, far from it, I haven’t written in a long time. But it is needed. I would appreciate knowing what anybody thinks, but please keep in mind this is a very sensitive story to me. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own teen wolf, nor any of the characters. The plot of this story is all my own work and in no way associated with the show.

His heart dropped to his feet as he watched Stiles body fall over the edge. Breath coming in large gasps, vision already blurred by tears. Derek scrambled to his feet running to his car, jumping in it, before slamming it into gear and roaring down the road until he hit the bottom where the little beach under the cliff face was. He tore is shows off mid-run across the beach, eyes never leaving where Stiles body was floating…lifelessly…face down. 

He swam as fast as he could to reach him, hooking his arm under Stiles’ chest, turning him over when he did before swimming back to shore. He carried him out of the water before slumping to his knees, holding Stiles close to his chest. 

What little part of Derek’s mind that could function told him to call an ambulance. He knew it was to late though. Stiles heart wasn’t beating, his lips already blue. Tears dropped from Derek’s eyes onto Stiles cheeks as Derek lay his forehead against Stiles’ to the sound of distant sirens.

~~~~~~~~~~

Derek solemnly walked into the church, his fingers turning the note over in his hands. It was the note the police found when searching Stiles’ jeep as he was taken to hospital. They said it was sitting on the dash. Several pages of paper that resulted in him sobbing on the ground of the hospital when a young police officer gave them to him.

Derek’s mind flashed back to that scene four days earlier as he sat down in one of the pews.

When my mum was dying she called me in, by myself without dad. He had always sat in the room each time I visited mum when she got really sick. It was like he was afraid if I hugged her too hard that she would snap, so he had to supervise. She told me that she knew, that she was ready, that it was her time to close her eyes for eternal sleep. She said that I didn’t have to understand it then and that I was allowed to be upset by it, but that some day I would know, someday I would understand it. I hated her for just putting it like that. Blatantly, that she was ready to die. How could she be so ready to leave me when I was not nearly ready to be left in the world on my own. I missed her. I missed her so much. They say you don’t get over grief you just learn to live with it. I felt like my heart was constantly being ripped in two and there was an ever present ache in the middle of my chest. People deal with grief in different ways, I just shut myself off, put up a mask, nobody saw that I was in fact crumbling down and shattering…

No one saw how my own father was hurting me more than I could ever imagine. Loosing mum was the hardest thing I have ever gone through but to dad, I was the reason she was gone. Whenever you hear about victims of abuse everybody always says there has to be someone they can go to, and how could they stay there. There wasn’t anyone, after she was gone there wasn’t anyone. Whoever’s reading this, if there even is anyone, I know my dad didn’t ever really mean any of it. Had he been clearheaded he never would have hit me, beat me so hard that I couldn’t stand. I’m not saying it like a victim of abuse, I am saying it as a son that understood the pain that his father was going through and if taking a punch would help I would do it over.

No one ever noticed though or if they did they acted like they didn’t.

I understand now though, what mum meant. I know it is my time to go. I know that is the only way I can be with her again, the only way that I go on my own terms. 

Derek glanced around the church, off to one side the sheriff, well ex-sheriff now was sitting in handcuffs. He had been detained shortly after the police had found the note. Derek would have killed him, once he got his wits back after reading the note had the police officers not held him down until he broke into sobs again. 

The rest of the church however, was completely full. Derek recognised the McCalls, sitting with a man he now knew to be Melissa’s new partner. Various other Beacon Hills teenagers that would have been at school with Stiles, he guessed. There were several officers, and other people he couldn’t place. 

Melissa McCall came back the minute she heard what had happened. She walked through the open front door of the Stilinski residence to find Derek sitting on the floor staring at a picture of Stiles. Of all the people, Stiles asked Derek to fix it all, clear out the house, organize the funeral. But, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. 

Derek, I know the chances that you are reading this are slim, but if you are… You are my only regret. I regret that I haven’t seen you in three years. I wish I could have seen you one more time before I had to go. 

You know, I had always thought somehow that we would end up together. I think you did too. Life just put a tonne of shit in the way. I can’t remember the first time I realised I loved you, maybe I just always had. You are perfect, in every way. 

I want you to move on from this. I want you to find someone who deserves you, who loves you more than anything in the world. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life. I want everything for you. I wish I could have given it all to you.

Everyday, I think about the last time I saw you, when we had wondered through the forest for hours, before lying on the open patch of grass, that no one could ever seem to find. How you laced your fingers in mine. How you said you wished things would be different. I remember the way your lips felt when you kissed me, telling me if we couldn’t be together, you needed to know the way it felt. 

I have missed you so much. One day you will understand though why I had to do this, just like mum said, you may not now, but you will. 

I want to ask you to please organise the funeral. I want it to be how you want it. Do what you want with all my things, they should have always been ours together anyway. I only ask this, because I want you to be able to say goodbye, when I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to you.

And know this, I will love you forever, regardless of the fact that I am no longer with you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Be happy Derek, for me. Don’t cry, live.

I will be yours forever. I love you.

Melissa took the rains when she came back. Derek told her how he wanted it, but she took care of it. She organised the funeral, the pack up of the house, the lot. 

Derek zoned out for most of the funeral, he couldn’t stop himself from looking down and reading the note, over and over. He was brought back to reality by a group of what he had always believed to be Stiles friends, surrounding Scott at the mike.

“It’s hard to know where to start,” Scott’s voice shook a little.

“Stiles was my best friend from the time that we could talk. He was the best friend you could have asked for. From when we were little, he would always have my back. Anything from pee-wee lacrosse, to helping me for a maths test. He was my best friend. I wish that we could have had longer, that when I moved away things didn’t change like they did. I wish that he never felt the despair that he did. I wish he could have gone one, to be with someone he loved, and who loved him.” At this Scott looked up and glanced at Derek, before returning to his speech. 

“He was gone to early, but what he achieved in his life, was something to be very proud of. A character that would never let anyone else determine,” Scott’s voice cracked, as tears began to fall down his cheeks, “…his final curtain call.”

Derek listened, as friend after friend spoke, saying how they wished that Stiles would have opened up, let them help. They knew something was wrong but couldn’t do anything about it. 

Derek looked up as he heard the priest say his name.   
“Derek, it’s your turn son.”

Derek rose slowly before walking to the front of the church. He cleared his throat, preparing to speak.

“Why is he talking?! That son of a bitch is the reason my son wouldn’t do what he was told. He is the reason he is gone. You worthless piece of shit!” Everyone turned and faced the red-faced sheriff at the outburst. Two of the officers quickly jostled him out of the church before the crowd’s attention returned to Derek. 

“Why am I talking?” Derek said, voice thick. “I’m talking so that everybody in this room knows what Stiles meant to me. Stiles is…was the love of my life. I love him with my entire being. Everybody hear keeps saying they wish Stiles had come to them, I can’t say I am any different. The only difference is I hadn’t seen Stiles for years until the day he left us. I wish I had been able to be with him everyday as many of you had the opportunity to. I wish that I could have held him when he was upset. I wish I could have taken him on the holiday to visit London in winter that we promised we would go on when we were younger. I wish that I could have bought him a beautiful ring and asked him to marry me. I wish that I could have woken up beside him everyday for the rest of my life.” 

Derek’s voice was wavering, he paused hoping that he would be able to finish his speak. He looked up at the crowd to see many wiping away tears, complete silence as he stood in front of the gathering.

“There are many things that I wish could have happened, and many things that I wish I could have either changed for Stiles or helped Stiles with. I can’t stop myself from thinking that maybe if I had things would be different. Stiles was one of a kind, taken from us too early. He was sarcastic, crazy, exuberant. But he was Stiles. He was perfect. And I will love him for the rest of my life.”

Derek returned to his seat, tuning out the rest of the ceremony, hands shaking as he rested his elbow on his knees and took a deep breath. He stayed that way until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up into the face of Mrs McCall. 

“Derek dear, its time to leave for the burial.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Derek sat in his car as he looked out at the sunset, perched on the cliff face that Stiles had jumped from. It had been three years. It didn’t feel like it though. Each time he came up to the cliff it was like no time had passed since Stiles had jumped. 

It had taken him almost a year to return to functioning properly. He was no a deputy to the new Beacon Hills Sheriff. He loved his job, loved helping those in the town, putting away people that had broken the law. 

He still found it hard on this day though, to not fall back into the lifeless depression he had after Stiles death. Somehow, going out to the cliff was a reminder to keep going, no matter what. 

He hadn’t been with anyone since, he couldn’t bare to. It was still too soon. 

He drove to the cemetery, pulling up beside the section Stiles was buried in. He grabbed the bunch of flowers off the passenger seat he had bought before jumping out of his car. 

He walked over to Stiles and placed the flowers down near the headstone. He noticed several bunches of flowers that hadn’t been there yesterday. His friends must have been out. 

Derek bent down and gently pressed a kiss to the photo of Stiles before walking back to his car. He didn’t cry. It was the first time he hadn’t on Stiles’ anniversary. Maybe he would be okay, time heals all wounds.

Derek gently put his car into gear before driving off. He was almost home when he saw a bright light to his left and then the sound of metal hitting metal hit. The car spun several times, the drivers side crumpled around Derek’s body. The car came to a stop. He could vaguely hear the sirens, but all he could think was he understood. That is was his time. He pulled the picture of Stiles that was sticking out of his wallet into his hand, lips pulling into a small smile. They would be soon together, like they had always wanted.

That is how he was found, when paramedics arrived on scene. Fingers, clutched gently around the edge of the battered photo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you thought. This story is finished, and I hope you liked the conclusion.
> 
> Macs xx


End file.
